Series in Parodies
Books in Parodies
1500 Rules for Successful Living
For years, author and humorist Steve Brewer has entertained readers with his broken adages and twisted advice. Now the best 1500 of his "Rules for Successful Living" are collected into one handy self-help guide that's absolutely no help at all. If you need laughter, you need the Rules! "If Erma Bombeck and Dave Barry had a love child, it would be Brewer." --Virginia Swift, author of "Brown-Eyed Girl"
Apocalypse
It’s the apocalypse—now what? Prepare for the end of civilization with the help of the world’s best-selling survival guide series and learn how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. The doomsday clock is seconds from midnight. Extinction-level dangers draw closer with every tick. But fear not! Here is an indispensable guide to preparing for and surviving the ultimate in worst-case scenarios, with humor to lighten the load. You can’t panic if you’re laughing. Dozens of survival experts provide illustrated, step-by-step instructions on: How to Pack a Go Bag in Thirty Minutes How to Make Your Bunker Feel Like Home How to Survive an Alien Invasion How to Defeat a Robot Uprising How to Survive the Next Pandemic How to Fend Off a Hostile Clan How to Eat Insects and Rodents How to Rebuild a Utopian Society You've gotten this far. Don't let zombies take you out.
Catsby
Jay Z. Catsby throws the sickest parties on the Jersey Shore. His neighbor Dick has heard all the rumors: Catsby killed a man. He's richer than Blue Ivy. He's Hugh Jackman's butt double in the X-Men movies. As Dick soon learns, the truth is far stranger. Catsby is a "furry" who spends his days and nights in a cat costume, pining away for Dick's cousin Dandelion, a manic-pixie Brooklynite with a brutish husband. Will Catsby's romantic obsession cost him all nine of his lives?
Claw Your Way to the Top
Working up the corporate ladder is all well and good for most people, but you are not "most people." You are a highly motivated individual who wants to be on the fast track, and you cannot afford to fritter away valuable time working diligently and competently on the job. You need Dave Barry's surefire tips in Claw Your Way to the Top ! * "A good resume is more than just a piece of paper. It can mean the difference between not getting a job and not even coming close." * "Can you get a job in business? Heck yes! Don't you listen to those Negative Nellies who tell you there aren't any good jobs anymore, just because the steel, automobile, shoe, clothing, railroad, and agricultural industries have all collapsed!" * "I don't mean to suggest for a moment that all it takes to be a top executive is a custom-tailored European suit. You also need the correct shirt and tie." * "Remember, your subordinates are not machines. They are human beings with the same dreams as you. OK, maybe not all the same dreams. Probably they don't have the one where you're naked in a vat of Yoo-Hoo with the Soviet gymnastics team." * "Ask any business school professor, and he'll tell you a good memo is clear, concise, and well-organized. Now ask him what his annual salary is. It's probably less than most top executives spend in a month on shoe maintenance."
College
The college years are a time of noble pursuit of knowledge, self-bettermentand unending peril! Students are at risk from the moment they receive their acceptance letters. Fortunately, the authors of the phenomenally best-selling Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series have come to the rescue, offering all-new, hands-on, step-by-step instructions for surviving the worst that higher education has to offer, on campus and off. Learn how to identify a party school, engineer a hookup, survive "the spins," and escape a stadium riot. Discover the best way to sleep in class, pass a test you haven't studied for, avoid the "freshman fifteen," and pull an all-nighter. With practical advice for avoiding laundry and identifying unsafe institutional food, along with an appendix of excuses for missed deadlines and a back-up diploma, this is truly required reading for all college studentsand a perfect high school graduation present.
Danger from Drackonia
It's the 26th Century and the President of Earth has started a bunfight with every single planet in the solar system. Meanwhile... battling it out on the frontline is Galaxy Squad, the bravest, toughest and most highly decorated team of officers in the whole of Earth's Space Fleet. Sadly though, they've just been accidentally poisoned by a group of interns and are now dead. Unwilling to own up to having just murdered Space Fleet's finest, the interns are forced to step into their shoes. The good news is that their next assignment is an easy one - to locate and return Voyager Two to Earth. And so, pretending to be the real Galaxy Squad, the interns set off on what is their very first mission. But what should be a fairly straight forward assignment soon turns out to be anything but. From the international best selling author of the SPACE POLICE series comes this brand new book, a hilariously funny Sci Fi space comedy that's just perfect for fans of Douglas Adams Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy, Terry Pratchett, and the Space Team series. WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT DAVID BLAKE'S WORK "Absurd comedy of the style Douglas Adams used to grace us with has been in short supply since he left for what has been, I must say, an unreasonably long tea time. Though many have attempted to fill in during his absence, this work comes closer than anything I've since read without sounding like it's specifically trying to fill those sweaty, beer-soaked loafers." Clifford Hall, Amazon.com "This has all the characteristics to make it a cult classic and I can't wait to start the follow ups." Read it Ray, Amazon.co.uk “Funny, quirky, absurd, and silly and altogether BRILLIANT.” Ldub, Amazon.com "Just read it, honestly, its great. Odd. But great." ALT31, Amazon.co.uk "Very funny, unpredictable, good pace. I'm now reading his second book and so far just as good and just as unpredictable. If you have a sense of humour and want to be amused and entertained this is the writer for you." Amazon Customer, Amazon.co.uk "What an amazing book - I loved it! It really is laugh out, and was a most hilarious read - great fun! Love Becky, and enjoyed all her exploits - poor Cat Spam! More like this one please David Blake, and very well done. One of the funniest and most entertaining reads I've been lucky enough to find in ages." Inga Pooler, Amazon.com "Tom Sharpe you ain't David, different you are. Keep it up." Hugh, Amazon.co.uk "Funny, Flirty, Frantic and Ferocious: A fast read that will almost certainly have you laughing out loud! It's witty, sarcastic, politically incorrect and sexy in a hysterically funny way!!!! You are left wondering what in the world our crazy heroine will get up to next!!!! It's just a sheer blast of fun and solid laughs!!!" JRTLVR, Amazon.com "Fantastically funny, loved every page." Mark Anderson, Amazon.co.uk "I was laughing out loud within the first 5 minutes. The humor is extremely reminiscent of John Cleese in his best era. Absolutely ludicrous situations in fun settings poking humor at established institutions. Terrifically funny much of the way. Occasionally lost the perspective of what this story was about because there were so many odd bits and characters, many of which were not fully developed or fleshed out, but worth the read. Bought another and expecting/hoping to laugh!" Georgia Brousseau, Amazon.com
Dawn of the Dreadfuls
Complete with romance, action, comedy, and an army of shambling corpses, this prequel to the hit mash-up novel will have Jane Austen rolling in her grave—or crawling out of it! Four years before the events of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies , the Bennet sisters are enjoying a peaceful life in the English countryside, reading, gardening, and daydreaming about future husbands—until a funeral at the local parish goes strangely and horribly awry. Suddenly, corpses are springing from the soft earth—and only one family can stop them. As the bodies pile up, Elizabeth Bennet grows from a naive young teenager into a savage slayer of the undead. Along the way, two men vie for her affections: Master Hawksworth is the powerful warrior who trains her to kill, while thoughtful Dr. Keckilpenny seeks to conquer the walking dead using science instead of strength. Will either man win the prize of Elizabeth’s heart? Or will their hearts be feasted upon by hordes of marauding zombies?
Dear Luke, We Need to Talk, Darth
“ Dear Luke, We Need to Talk, Darth is proof that a funny book on pop culture doesn't have to be snide and nasty. I loved everything about it.” —Jim Gaffigan We all know how Darth Vader shared his big secret with Luke Skywalker, but what if he had delivered the news in a handwritten note instead? And what if someone found that letter, as well as all of the drafts that landed in the Dark Lord’s trash can? In the riotously funny collection Dear Luke, We Need to Talk. Darth, John Moe finally reveals these lost notes alongside all the imagined letters, e-mails, text messages, and other correspondences your favorite pop culture icons never meant for you to see. From The Walking Dead to The Wizard of Oz, from Billy Joel to Breaking Bad, no reference escapes Moe’s imaginative wit and keen sense of nostalgia. Read Captain James T. Kirk’s lost log entries and Yelp reviews of The Bates Motel and Cheers. Peruse top secret British intelligence files revealing the fates of Agents 001–006, or Don Draper’s cocktail recipe cards. Learn all of Jay-Z’s 99 problems, as well as the complete rules of Fight Club, and then discover an all-points bulletin concerning Bon Jovi, wanted dead or alive—and much more. Like a like a bonus track to a favorite CD or a deleted scene from a cult movie, Dear Luke, We Need to Talk Darth offer a fresh twist on the pop culture classics we thought we knew by heart. You already know part of their story. Now find out the rest.
Don Tillman’s Standardized Meal System
‘So, you cook this same meal every Tuesday, right?’ ‘Correct.’ I listed the eight major advantages of the Standardised Meal System. 1. No need to accumulate recipe books. 2. Standard shopping list—hence very efficient shopping. 3. Almost zero waste—nothing in the refrigerator or pantry unless required for one of the recipes. 4. Diet planned and nutritionally balanced in advance. 5. No time wasted wondering what to cook. 6. No mistakes, no unpleasant surprises. 7. Excellent food, superior to most restaurants at a much lower price (see point 3). 8. Minimal cognitive load required. ‘Cognitive load?’ ‘The cooking procedures are in my cerebellum—virtually no conscious effort is required.’ ‘Like riding a bike.’ ‘Correct.’ Here at last, by popular demand, is the weekly system of food preparation that Professor Don Tillman, star of the Rosie trilogy, lives by—everything from his signature lobster salad to the world’s best risotto, across the four seasons. This essential guide also includes handy tips about losing weight, mixing cocktails and stress-free entertaining. Don Tillman’s Standardized Meal System will not only show you how to make delicious meals: it will open your mind to a different way of shopping, cooking and living. The Don Tillman way.
How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks in No Time
How To Sell A Gazillion eBooks In No Time (Even if Drunk, High or Incarcerated) is a parody of all things related to writing, self-publishing and self-promotion. Featuring 59 Writer’s Tips running the gamut from selecting a blockbuster title to creating compelling narrative and dialog, Russell’s relentlessly evil humor mocks everything sacred to the writing profession. Described as “…the literary equivalent of Ebola” and “vicious, demented, reprehensible brain poison,” Blake’s book is sweeping the publishing industry and garnering rave reviews. A must buy for authors, friends of authors, and readers everywhere. ”How to Sell a Gazillion eBooks In a Year is by far the most important book ever written on any topic, although I exclude the Bible since the Bible wasn’t exactly written in the way we mean the word “written.” But other than that, Gazillion does it all. For everyone. A can’t miss, sure fire Gazillion hit-a-thon from the master of them all.” - John Lescroart, NY Times bestselling author of over 20 novels, including The Vig, The 13th Juror, Treasure Hunt, Damage, Second Chair and a host of others “…a joyously vicious satire and parody that makes sport of John Locke, and indeed of the whole brave new world of self–publishing and self–promotion. If you don’t find Mr. Blake outrageous, and indeed offensive, you would seem to be missing the point. And the same thing goes if you only find him outrageous and offensive.” - Lawrence Block, bestselling author of Telling Lies For Fun & Profit, The Liar’s Bible, A Drop Of The Hard Stuff, and Getting Off “Anybody who’s ever read a self-help book will appreciate the cynical humor from the nimble mind of Russell Blake in this parody. Piercing sarcasm, the ability to turn a phrase into a missile and an impressive vocabulary (he makes up words if he doesn’t know an appropriate one – I’ve asked him, but still don’t know what a Gazillion is) combine into a book that is alternately rant, grovel, trash-talk and Bizarro-world counsel. Irreverent fun.” – David Lender, author of Trojan Horse, The Gravy Train and Bull Street +++ A Q & A for How To Sell A Gazillion with bestselling author Russell Blake Question: Gazillions mocks everyone and everything, including icons like John Locke. Are you trying to be the most hated writer alive? Russell Blake: Fair question. First off, this wasn't a jab at Locke. It was a jab at everyone. I wanted to write something that called BS and mocked the entire notion that it was easy or fun being a self-published author. There's just this hushed sort of reverence when certain names are mentioned, I thought it would be very funny to lampoon both the self-help books themselves, as well as our entire attitude about self-publishing and being authors. I think the result worked - I was laughing as I wrote most of it, and I still laugh when I go back and read it, although admittedly alcohol is often involved.. Q: Who is the book written for? RB: Honestly, it was mainly written for me, and a small circle of friends with really twisted senses of humor. Nothing's sacred in that crowd, which is the basis of most of the humor in the book. That, and there are a lot of jabs at bad writing, of which, unfortunately, there's no dearth. Q: What would you tell readers delving into it? RB: Mainly that there are no sacred cows, or rather, that there shouldn't be. Writing should be fun, and joyful, and done for the sake of creating something worth reading. While it could be done in a calculated attempt to create the next bestseller, that seems like a lousy way to do it. So this is a slam at all the "How to get rich by self-publishing" books that have infested the world. I think it's brutally funny, and hopefully readers will too. You'll note a lot of accomplished literary luminaries were quick to call it hilarious - and these are guys like Lawrence Block, who literally wrote the book on writing. So if you believe all of life has to be dead serious, this ain't for you.
How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters
Sharks Are Flying at Your Head at 300 mph. How Will You Survive? In the apocalyptic world we live in, Mother Nature is angry. Danger waits at every turn, and catastrophes like the Los Angeles sharknados have taught us that we need to be ready for anything. Too many lives have already been lost. But fear not. How to Survive a Sharknado and Other Unnatural Disasters is the first and only comprehensive guide to surviving the very worst that Mother Nature can throw our way. Inside this life-saving reference, you'll find: Vital information about dozens of unnatural disasters and ungodly monsters that can injure, maim, or kill you, from arachnoquakes and ice twisters to piranhacondas and mega pythons; Easy-to-understand survival tips for avoiding a bloody demise; Inspirational words of wisdom from survivors, including Fin Shepard and April Wexler; Useful resources, such as the Shepard Survival Assessment Test (S.S.A.T), and much more. With this essential book in hand, you too can be a hero who laughs in the face of calamity while saving friends and family. Or you can just avoid getting savagely ripped apart by a sharktopus. Either way, you've been warned. Now be prepared. As seen in the Syfy original TV movie, Sharknado 2: The Second One !
I Feel Relatively Neutral About New York
Have you ever loved something, but also totally not loved it at the same time? Would you like to "heart" New York, but you're not quite ready for that kind of commitment? Have you ever had the feeling that other cities probably have pretty good pizza, too? This light-hearted skewering of the Big Apple sets the record straight with semi-informed opinions, questionable charts, and some slapdash Photoshop work. On a scale from one to spectacular, we give New York a five. And after reading this book, we think you ll agree! Or whatever.