Rotten School Books
Important Message! Welcome to the Rotten School. We are proud of our school, founded 100 years ago by I. B. Rotten. If you follow the rules, we know your time here will be happy. RULE NUMBER ONE: Watch out for Bernie Bridges. Bernie is trouble! That is my important message. Enjoy your stay. I know that after a short while, you will all truly deserve the name Rotten Students. Headmaster Upchuck ----------------------------- Today we're having the world's grossest pie-eating contest! My ROTTEN HOUSE buddies against the wimps at NYCE HOUSE. Who can eat 25 blueberry pies? Will it get ugly? Who will barf first? Will we win? Dudes, Bernie B. doesn't know the word lose. Ready, set, EAT PIE! Bernie Bridges
Sherman Oaks Is A Rat. Sherman is so spoiled and rich that he threw away his allowance because some of the hundred-dollar bills were wrinkled! He and his goody-goody friends and Nyce House are always trying to get Bernie Bridges and his Rotten House buddies into trouble. Well Bernie's in big trouble now. Bernie has a dog in his room, Sherman know it -- and there are NO PETS ALLOWED at Rotten School! Bernie has to find a way to hide Gassy, his dog. But the dog stinks. Hey, why do you think they call him Gassy?
April-May June Loves Bernie Bridges . . . she just doesn't know it yet. She's the coolest hottest girl in the school and Bernie thinks she should go to the dance with him. April-May won't even be seen with Bernie because he's such a troublemaker. So Bernie makes her a promise—a really scary promise. He says he'll stay out of trouble for a whole week if she promises to go to the dance with him. Bernie is shaking, quivering, quaking. Can he turn into a goody-goody—especially when it's time for the famous (against the rules!) super slimy slug race?
Jennifer Ecch is so tough... She's at Rotten School on an Arm Wrestling scholarship! Bernie Bridges calls her Nightmare Girl. But she'll do anything to get him to be her boyfriend. That's why she joined the all-boys football team. With Jennifer playing, they can't lose. But wait. If they win, they have to play the National Champion team -- the Bone Breakers! Someone's got to stop the attack of the Ecch -- or else Bernie and his teammates will be in the hospital by halftime!
Chipmunk is so shy... He inhales when he sneezes! He even blushes when he's asleep! He plays guitar in the closet so he won't disturb anyone. But he just may be the best rock 'n' roll guitarist of all time! And Bernie Bridges needs him to win the annual Talent Contest for Rotten House. Bernie will do anything to keep the prize away from Sherman Oaks and his pals at Nyce House. Can Chipmunk conquer his stage fright and win? Or -- when Bernie pushes him onstage, will it be Shake, Rattle, and HURL?!
Is Belzer a loser? Just because he wears T-shirts that say I need a Tutor and Ask Me About My Allergies? Just because he picks scabs off his knees and eats them? Belzer's parents think he's a loser. They want to take him out of Rotten School. Every year Mrs. Heinie awards the Heinie Prize to the Most Outstanding Fourth Grader. Bernie Bridges wants Belzer to win the Heinie. Then his parents will have to let him stay. But that spoiled rich kid Sherman Oaks wants to win the Heinie, too. Can Bernie pull off a miracle? Will Belzer be the royal Heinie?
Joe Sweety is the worst kind of bully -- big, mean, and always ready to use his fists. Chipmunk is the shiest, clumsiest kid at Rotten School. When Chipmunk is paired with Joe on the class trip, things get ugly -- and fast! Chipmunk spills his apple juice on Joe, he barfs on Joe, and he pulls down Joe's pants. All accidents, of course. But does Joe care? No way! He is out to get Chipmunk! Bernie Bridges can't stand to see Chipmunk, one of his Rotten House guys, bullied by big, mean Sweety. So it's payback time -- and Bernie has a spook-tacular plan. It turns out that Sweety is scared of ghosts. Petrified! Bernie decides it's time for the Haunting of Joe -- with spooky messages on the computer, green protoplasm in his room, and a body-wrap in an eerie cocoon. Will Bernie's payback work? Will it scare Joe into niceness?
Is Mrs. Heinie Gone Forever? Mrs. Heinie is so nearsighted, she can't find her nose without her glasses on! But she doesn't have to see to know that Bernie Bridges and his Rotten House buddies are up to no good. Cuz they're ALWAYS up to no good! Mrs. H. decides she can't take it anymore! She's replaced by a teacher named Mr. Skruloose. He's the Teacher from HECK! He's so strict, he won't let kids SNEEZE! And he gives four hours of homework every night! Mr. Skruloose HAS to go. The annual Water War is under way. Who has time for homework? Can Bernie think up a scheme to bring Mrs. Heinie back? Does a weasel have lips?
Bernie Bridges has it all figured out. April-May June—the hottest girl in the fourth grade—will ask him to the annual girl-invite-boy school dance. They'll dance the night away, and April-May June will totally fall for him. There's only one problem: Reality . April-May June doesn't WANT to go with Bernie. She wouldn't go with Bernie even if he was the last guy on earth. Then Jennifer Ecch—the Nightmare Girl—swoops in and asks Bernie to the dance. Yuck! How can he shake the unshakable Ecch? Bernie has a plan. He'll convince Jennifer that he is lower than toe fungus and not worthy enough to go to the dance with her. But love is blind. Jennifer loves Bernie—no matter what. So Bernie has no choice. The time has come to hold a long-distance snot-blowing contest right in front of Jennifer. That should be gross enough to get Jennifer out of his life—shouldn't it?
Angel Goodeboy is a perfect angel . . . You can almost picture a halo over his head! He even wears a T-shirt that says "Mommy's Little Angel." Bernie Bridges is horrified when Mrs. Heinie makes him share his room with Angel. She wants Angel's goodness to rub off on Bernie. But wait a minute—when no teachers are watching, Angel is no angel! The little sneak takes over Bernie's room. He steals away Bernie's friends. He charms Bernie's girlfriend. Everyone loves Angel—even Bernie's pets! There's only one way for Bernie to rule the school again. He's got to get rid of this kid! But how do you get rid of an angel?
Bernie Bridges has always dreamed about going to PPP—the exclusive Preppy Prep Prep school. All the kids at PPP are rich, rich, rich! And if there is one thing that Bernie loves it's money, money, money! But how will Bernie get to PPP? All he and his buddies have to do is win the National School Make-a-Great-Invention Contest, and off they go to PPP for a week to compete in the final round. There's just one problem—their best ideas are a Hamster on a Stick and a light-up comb! With a little scheming and a lot of luck, Bernie and his guys manage to win their school contest. But when they get to Preppy Prep Prep, Bernie must come up with yet another invention—this one cleverer than the first. No sweat! But the filthy rich PPP kids are smarter and sneakier than any kid at Rotten School. Has Bernie finally met his match?
Hey! Where Is Everyone? That's what Bernie Bridges wants to know when he can't find any of his friends. Everyone has disappeared! And when he finally does find them, they're acting really weird. For instance, his shy friend Chipmunk thinks he is a fearless warrior, and football star Jennifer Ecch thinks she is a princess. What is going on? Soon Bernie realizes that everyone at Rotten School is acting! They are all playing parts in a big battle. A battle between the Dum Diddys and the Knighty Knight Knights. But it's not a real fight. It's a video game called Wungo Warriors—and everyone has to pay that spoiled rich kid Sherman Oaks to play. Bernie can't let Sherman get away with this. He has a plan to outsmart Sherman—by bringing the Wungo Warriors to life! What Bernie doesn't know, though, is that a real-life battle between the Dum Diddys and the Knighty Knight Knights could shut down Rotten School forever.
The most popular dude in school? It has to be Bernie Bridges. Just ask him! Bernie wants to win the Most Popular Rotten Student of the Year title. But first he has to prove he's the most popular dude on campus. How? Easy. He'll get Jennifer Ecch, the yearbook photographer, to follow him around. All she has to do is snap pictures of him being popular. When that doesn't work, Bernie decides to throw himself the biggest birthday party ever. But, look out, Bernie . . . . Some birthday parties turn out to be surprise parties!
Why are the Rotten School kids screaming in terror? Maybe it's because everyone on campus is making a horror movie! Bernie Bridges wants to make the most terrifying film of all. If he does, he'll win a part in the famous director B.A. Gool's next film: EEK III: Revenge of the Warts . Bernie thinks he's got some great creepy ideas. But he's better watch out on Halloween night—it's going to be a real scream!
Bernie Bridges is the luckiest kid at Rotten School. He wins every game he plays, doesn't get into any trouble, and even finds money! So what's the catch? For the good luck to stick, Bernie has to keep his parrot, Lippy, on his shoulder wherever he goes. Lippy's luck is so powerful that Bernie's friends, Feenman and Crench, want in, too. But the minute they touch Lippy, everything changes—Lippy turns into a bad-luck bird. Now nothing Bernie does goes right. Bad luck follows him wherever he goes. There's only one solution, thinks Bernie. He'll give the bird away to his archrival, Sherman Oaks. But hold on! Now Sherman is having all the good luck in the world. Has Bernie made a big mistake? Can he get both his bird and his good luck back—or has his luck run out for good?
Buffalo wings of steel! Just how stupid is Stupid Chicken? Bernie Bridges thinks the superfowl cartoon character is a dumb cluck! And the same goes for his chirpy sidekick, Little Cluck-Cluck. But why not make a buck from a cluck? Bernie tries to sell Stupid Chicken T-shirts to his pals. One problem—half the school hates Stupid Chicken. Their hero is Drastic Duck, the Caped Quacker. Now Bernie finds himself caught in the middle of the battle between the Clucks and the Quacks!