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Best-selling author MaryJanice Davidson's first nonfiction anthology is a hilarious ride to the dark side and back! I HAVE A TAPEWORM showcases her columns for USA Today, blog posts, reviews, and recipes. This collection is Exhibit A for her biting sense of humor and rampant immaturity, from "Abraham Lincoln: A Demon In The Sack" to her scathing take-downs of American Horror Story and Cersei Lannister. Originally conceived as "A Writer's Life" column for USA Today, MaryJanice chronicles her rise from the trailer park to the New York Times best-seller list, and how accidentally inventing the paranormal chick lit genre changed her life forever. From her battles with mortal enemies (bats) to the heartbreak of losing a beloved family pet to her worries about the state of Michigan's low self-esteem, MaryJanice tackles spiteful reviewers, vomit euphemisms, Walking Dead fanfic, her defense of Charlaine Harris, and her still-controversial battle with Barnes and Noble. And when she's not explaining why feminists are wrong about Frank Miller's SIN CITY, she skewers herself just as hard ("I am stupid, stupid, stupid"). Strap in to get a look at how this former model and medical test subject sees the world. You'll laugh, cry, laugh again, and possibly pee a little.

NYT best-selling author MaryJanice Davidson is back with her first collection of crochet patterns! A SWIFT KICK IN THE CROCHET is a hilarious ride through MaryJanice's journey from "a dumb person who is dumb and can't crochet because of all the dumb" to an experienced crafter who designs her own patterns. With easy-to-follow patterns, photos, links, resources, hilarious anecdotes, and book excerpts, Davidson's K.I.S.S. method (Keep It Simple Sweetie) is perfect for beginners as well as experts. Don't crochet and don't want to learn? You'll still get a kick out of Davidson's self-deprecating journey from a crochet-less pandemic lockdown to A SWIFT KICK IN THE CROCHET. Already know how to crochet and you've drowned everyone you know in scarves and washcloths? MaryJanice also includes a list of charitable organizations that welcome crocheted items, such as Warm Up America (crochet blankets for women's shelters), Knots Of Love (beanies and blankets for chemo patients and NICU babies), Crochet For Cancer, Project Linus, etc. So check out A SWIFT KICK IN THE CROCHET, figuratively. Or, if you're reading this in a library, literally! Patterns include: Behold My (Moby) Dick, the washcloth MJ could never finish Classy-ass placemat Super cool ribbed scarf Sleek, stylish purse. Like, SEX AND THE CITY stylish Cozy lapghan (too small for an afghan, too big for a lap blanket = lapghan) Quickie Coasters; if you don't care about protecting your table, you can whip 'em at your enemies like little flying saucers Shawls aren't just for grandmas triangle shawl Fingerless gloves, because sometimes you want gloves but not fingers Supercool pet bandana (like there are any other kind of pet bandanas?)