How I Stole the Princess's White Knight and Turned Him to Villainy Books
What’s a white knight to do when his princess wants to sacrifice a town to barbarians? Go to the famous Black Sorcerer of Grimslock for help, apparently. What’s a black sorcerer to do when the white knight comes to him for help? Keep him, naturally. Devan does not approve of this payment plan. Tan does. Tags: Black sorcerer, white knight, evil princess, oh my!, this whole story is crack, technically an enemies to lovers, with light angst, mostly as an excuse for cuddles, Tan is suffering from SCD-Severe Cuddle Deficiency, being adopted by a black sorcerer is like being adopted by a cat, you get no say in the matter, basically Tan took one look at Devan and went MINE, author no longer in control of this train wreck, I’m along for the ride like you are, Tan is a walking disaster, that we love anyway, Devan needs a hug, Tan volunteers himself as tribute, no forests were harmed in the making of this story, just a few hundred barbarians, magical shenanigans shall commence!
What’s Tan to do when he has to reclaim a holy sword he can’t touch? Call upon his White Knight to save him. What’s Devan to do when he learns the sword was stolen in order to defeat Tan? Save the poor fools from utter annihilation. Tan is not amused by this quest line. Devan can’t stop laughing. Tags: Tan’s turn to need help, what are they teaching these adventurers?, I’m not saying baby adventurers are stupid, but if you put a candle next to their ears their eyes will shine, Tan has all the plans, Devan laughs for the first time, Tan loves it, even if it’s at his expense, Tan is banned from Osedon Conclave, for reasons, Tan disguises himself as a girl, also for reasons, no one likes to be drowned, no one, even magic swords knows who’s boss
What’s Devan to do when his cousin’s ships and the crew go missing? Set sail with Tan to figure it out. What’s Tan to do when Devan finally makes a move? N.S.F.W. Many times. On many surfaces. Damn creatures are trying to interrupt them. Murder ensues. Tags: The crack ship armada sails again, literally, Tan fell first, Devan fell harder, communication, because miscommunication is the devil’s trope, Devan puts himself first for once, Tan approves, LET THE PLANNING BEGIN!, unless Devan beckons you to bed, then planning can wait, relationship progress, flirty Devan has been released, Tan is thrilled, Wells feels betrayed, just lots of fluff in between murder, tipsy Tan does things to Devan, first kiss, The VOID explained
What’s Tan to do when an experiment goes wrong? Nothing. He’s unconscious and captured. What’s Devan to do when his lover shows up in the palace prison? Keep calm and smuggle on. Tan would say don’t put him into a box, but he actually does fit. Devan despairs. Tags: Tan gets himself into trouble, what? No one’s surprised by that?, Tan maybe forgot a teensy weensy promise, it bites him in the ass, in Tan’s defense, yeah I got nothin’, boyfriend to the rescue, Protective Devan, light angst, mostly as an excuse for cuddles, smuggling, cancuns saying inappropriate things, Serenity has successfully pissed Devan off for the last time, and then she does something even worse, magic battle, minotaurs, portals, Fa actually fixes her hair, it’s a miracle
What’s Devan to do when Serenity claims him as her lover? Run. What’s Tan to do when Serenity claims Devan as her lover? Start a revolution. All’s fair in love and war. Tags: the First Knight of Goodwine has officially quit, or at least he’s trying really hard to quit, problem is no one wants to let him go, Serenity’s going to be an extinct species at this rate, accidental revolt, Tan’s rocking his crown though, shenanigans shall now commence, mercenaries, kidnappings, rule one when dealing with black sorcerers, don’t piss them off, rule two is don’t touch their knight, just a little murder, it’s fine
Did Tan go looking for an apprentice? No. Is Tan going to keep Zi Rui? Yes. Did Devan agree to this decision? Debatable. Tags: Devan has CONCERNS, so does Wells, Tan thinks having a minion er apprentice is a wonderful idea, crackity crack, it's a good thing Tan is cute, Villainy short story
Sentient dragon skull acquired! Do you wish to find rest of body? (yes) (no) Tan: Yes! Devan: No, but why? Tan: We get half of his hoard~ Devan: We leave tomorrow. Tags: Tan’s field trips go awry, no one is surprised, only he can find a sentient dragon skull in a church’s basement, Quest time!, Wells gets stuck babysitting, again, Niran’s more excited than anyone else, except maybe the apprentices, gold is a great motivator, all the bone puns
Ribs located! Penalty activated if you refuse. Proceed with quest? (YES) (no) Devan: But the ribs are in the middle of a barbarian village. Tan: Historically speaking, fireball would fix– Niran: Charred bone. No. Devan: Time to do this the hard way. Tags: BoooOOOooones, trekking through barbarian lands to find dragon bones is not as fun as it sounds, they marrowly escape, yes all the bad bone puns, Niran can’t help himself, dragon ribs are big, Niran has more bones in his workshop than a collector, whole story is just mindless violence and fluff, and fireballs
Do you wish to deploy the necromancer to fight? (YES) (no) Niran: The leg bone’s connected to the ~ leg bone. The leg bone’s connected to the ~ Tan: Sword hilt~ the sword hilt’s connected to the bad guy~ hear the voice of the Steve~! Steve: My boooOOOOoooone! Tags: Necromancers, fight!, it’s Niran’s time to shine, lawless city is our friend, onsen nookie, Steve makes a bad alarm clock, look at me, I’m the captain now, stinky city, Sword of the Sea makes an appearance, Steve needs his fainting couch to clutch his pearls upon, ragdoll Steve
Dragon wing located on pirate ship! Board ship? (YES) (NO?!) Devan: I feel like this is a bad idea. Tan: Those are the best kind! Tags: Steve’s been gagged, Tan’s a dramatic bat, Devan adopts pirates, the crack ship armada is literally sailing, Lesia is adopted by pirates, stickers are fish food, Tan’s volunteered Devan to officiate over weddings
You must negotiate return of dragon wing. Penalty levied against party members. Piemu unleashed. Accept quest? (YES) (no) Tan: How is this harder than the pirates? Devan: I’m looking at the reason. Tan: Uncalled for. True, but still uncalled for. Tags: Academic types are stingy, demonic chickens, strange version of Whac-A-Mole, Niran acquires apprentices, Fa comes to play too, candy tastes best after murder, basically the corruption is spreading
Final boss fight! Fight necromancer? (yes) (NO) Devan: I’m not beating up an old lady. Tan: Pretty sure the old lady could take you. Devan: Still not doing it. Time to negotiate. Tags: dragon acquired keep as pet (yes) (NO), retired necromancers are BAMF, the kids adopt a necromancer grandmother, or a grandmummy if you will, all the weddings, pirates might be lost in the labyrinth, Steve is finally complete!, $$$, vacation time